Like most people I have made plenty of bad decisions. Some are now funny to look back upon like bad haircuts and fashion statements (I once proudly wore a mint green “Miami Vice” style sports jacket); some were painful, like asking not to get Novocain before a filling because of my fear of needles or not following up on my injured knee because the orthopedist was so late to my first appointment. Some of my bad decisions have been costly, like the 1986 Bronco II I bought without having a mechanic check it out because the dealer told me someone else was coming to see it in an hour so I needed to make a decision quickly. Even though I loved that truck, it was a costly, bad decision. What about decisions that seem to turn out badly, where the outcome is not at all what was expected? I’ve had a few moments in my life in which I knew God was speaking, I knew He was calling me to take a step of faith and I took it, but the outcome was not what I thought it would be and I would be hard-pressed to convince anyone at the time that the decision had been a good one. What do we do with those moments, with those decisions? Do we try to learn something from them? Do we retreat from them? Do we allow them to color every other decision and step of faith we make from now on? I believe there is more to decisions than the immediate outcome and there is something greater that God wants us to learn and see than how to make decisions that turn out the way we and the people around us think they should.
This year I am studying and preaching the Sermon on the Mount. I have been studying meekness for the last two weeks and what I have found is that meekness is far more than I ever thought it to be. Often paraphrased as “gentle”, the word has depth and dimension that makes it either life-changing or overlooked. I still cannot fully define it and I have learned that I cannot cause or create it, but that does not mean that it is out of reach, it is just one of those wonderful fruits that can only be birthed by the Holy Spirit.
In Matthew 11 Jesus famously said: “Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” We often quote this verse with no other context or understanding and by doing so we may miss the most important part of Jesus’ statement. Jesus actually tells us what rest looks like and how we receive it: “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me . . .” So rest is found when we join ourselves to Jesus, never again choosing our own path, but following with Him along His and also when we learn from Him. What is it that He is teaching and that we are supposed to be learning? “Learn from Me for I am meek and lowly in heart.” Rest is found when we learn to be meek and humble like Jesus.
Very briefly, I believe Jesus’ meekness is vast, but it can be clearly seen in John 5:19-20. Jesus responded to Jews that desired to kill Him because He had worked miracles on the Sabbath and then referred to God as His Father with these words: “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do, for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner. For the Father loves the Son and shows Him all things that He Himself does, and will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel.” Jesus says here that nothing He does is for His gain or to satisfy His own desires that He has chosen to only do what His Father leads Him to. That is meekness. It is a trust in God’s love and God’s goodness that does whatever He asks and goes wherever He leads and it’s a surrender to God’s love and goodness to only do what He asks and go where He leads.
Our rest comes when we join Jesus and when we choose what Jesus chose, the will of the Father. That brings me back to my “bad” decisions. What if all of our decisions are to be measured by who we were following instead of how they turned out? Some of the decisions in my life that have appeared to have led to the most difficult outcomes have actually been my best choices. How is that possible? It is because they were led by God, they moved me to where He wanted me to be and they did works in me that He wanted to do and revealed His love and goodness in ways that He wanted them to be seen. As I studied meekness over the last two weeks I have been confronted with some of these “bad” decisions and I have complained to God about the outcomes and even tried to repent of some of those steps. As I was in the midst of this half complaint/half repentance state I had a new thought put in my heart: “Was choosing Judas to be an apostle a bad decision? Was Paul going to Jerusalem a bad decision? Was Moses wrong when he made Aaron the priest?” In each of these cases the decision was God’s not man’s. Jesus prayed all night before choosing the twelve apostles, including Judas, Paul was led by the Holy Spirit to Jerusalem, and Moses was told by God to consecrate Aaron and his sons as the priests to serve Israel. If these decisions were bad ones because Judas betrayed Jesus, Paul was arrested in Jerusalem, and Aaron gave in to the idolatry in his heart and built the golden calf then who made the wrong choices the people that did what God told them to do or God Himself for leading them in that direction? The answer is very clear, the decisions were not wrong; the outcome was just simply not expected.
Meekness gives God the room to glorify Himself however He chooses, not however I desire, expect or understand. The truth is that my “bad” decisions have been God’s leading (not all of course, I’m human and reject meekness more often than I should and choose my own way rather than the path of righteousness) and so I have to weigh the steps eternally not temporarily. My “success” is when I step out in faith, obeying the voice of God, not when my steps look successful to my ego or the eyes of those that are watching me. Meekness rejects ego and is disinterested in pleasing people, it is far too content resting in the love of God to worry about how things look or what others might think. I am learning to reject my fear of bad decisions and even my judgment of decisions that I have made in the past. I am learning to trust the One who leads me. I have prayed thousands of times “lead me in paths of righteousness for Your name’s sake.” It is a meek prayer that comes with a meek answer. The answer is that God is glorified, His will is accomplished and in the midst of it, our expectations need to be changed. I encourage you today, if you have stepped out and things didn’t go as planned, reject the accusation that says that means you did the wrong thing; trust God that He was and is and will be glorified through your steps of faith and even through the outcomes of all those steps. From that place of trust, through the power of meekness your heart will be healed and as Jesus promised in Matthew 11, your rest will come. Most of all I encourage you to step out again. Step out with no imagined outcomes, with no fear of being wrong or being disappointed. Step out in complete security that the One who leads you is for you, the One who speaks steps to take works all things for good, and the One who starts you on the path finishes the race. Those steps are meek, those steps are lowly in heart and those steps are where we finally put on Jesus’ yoke and enter into our rest.